Marriage is a relationship which is not a bed of roses for any couple. The girl which narrates her story said that I have been exposed to different types of people and have experienced a abundant of situations that someone brought up in Pakistan might not have.
Therefore, you can imagine that marrying a Pakistani man living from thirty years in Pakistan is not easy for an American girl to spend the life with him.
Being raised in the United States, I have lived a life little bit differently than my counterparts in Pakistan.
That doesn’t mean marrying someone from the United States would have been easier, since every relationship faces ups and downs, but these are just the mindset which sometimes doesn’t match with each other and that we have and have to face almost everyday.
Comparison of shalwar kameez and western clothing
You are completely mistaken before you start believing that my husband is asking me to wear a shalwar kameez. The situation is quite opposite. I absolutely know as to what type of outfit I have to wear on an occasion.
Thus, when my husband emphasis me to wear jeans and a t-shirt around his family, it makes me uncomfortable. I have always been given the teaching to wear a dupatta around my elders and family, so in order to to feel comfortable, I cannot wear western clothes everywhere I go.
Lambay baal larkion Pr khoobsurat lagtay hain.
Two years ago, I remember that I had long hair. Then one day I cut them and had a short length hairs. It feel me like a very heeavy weight was lifted from my body. I felt like a boss.
That is, until a few days later, I was badly missing my long hair. After that, I prayed a lot for my hair to grow back and for this purpose I have even ordered tons of extensions to repair the damage, but I was unhappy until my hairs grew back.
Few days ago, when I was looking my old pictures and brought up cutting my hair short again. My husband simply stated, “Lambay baal achay lagtay hain larkiyon per,” and simply walked away. That might have more to do with his personal desires, but background has a great impact on, why he thinks that way.
Planning about the extending of family bloodline.
Many people in Pakistan have the ideology of “phat maangi, phat vaya, phat bachay,”. I cannot blame my husband for having kids just after marriage, because there is an extreme pressure from his parents to extend the family bloodline.
On the other hand, both of our bhaabis had children within the first two years of marriage. His concept on this topic has changed since he now understands life in the United States is more complicated than he might have thought and that I am not ready now to take care of myself and another entity.
Work vs family time
Many girls in Pakistan are taught to focus on family life and give their full attention to their husbands, it doesn’t always work. My husband understands that my career needs my time and demand and that it is very important to me to also give good attention to my career also. This means working overtime almost every day.
There are days when he simply misses just to see my face and requests me to come home early to spend that quality time with him, which is really impossible at this point in my career. The progressive change in thinking of many people regarding women in the workplace in Pakistan helps him to understand there are many other things besides family and house hold activities.
Daily phone calls
I really love my in-laws and hold no hostility for them. My problem is this, I would 9.99 times out of 10 prefer to catch up in person and have a meaningful conversation than long-distance phone calls where there are connection problems almost all the time.
Since my husband talks to his parents in Pakistan everyday, I am often encouraged to speak to them , which is something I do not enjoy. Instead of doing anything with my inlaws it has everything to do with these annoying connection problems.
Main ab Dadi (abu ki ami) ki behan ki dost ki parosi ki chachi (abu ki bhai ki biwi) hoon.
Stop make me anyone’s chachi, mami, apa, baji, etc.
Being per about personal choices – like how much makeup I wish to apply
Men, in general, cannot handle the confidence in a woman that comes with applying makeup. Therefore, it’s expected when they make comments like, “Yeh moun apna kis atay ki bori main dala hai?
These harsh comments are really so annoying.
Sonay ke zevar.
I cannot remember the last time when I wore expensive jewelry, because the chances of loosing gold jewelry are very much. Then the great World War III will take place, because I lost his dadi’s shaadi ka necklace, which he had the last remembrance of hers. How about not letting me to wear gold jewelry next time at any event?
After Nikkah everything is allowed. While I have never asked my husband to have a make-out session in public place, he shies so much that he walks five feet away from me as if he is my bodyguard.
“shaadi ke baad karlena” concept is a lie
I have waited for the whole life to be able to freely go anywhere i wish to go. So now that I am married, I can go anywhere without answering millions of question, right? Wrong.
Since he cares a little bit about what my parents will think if we willnot come back a minute past 9:30 pm, our date nights often end abruptly with him rushing to get home at an “appropriate” time.
So next time when your parents say shaadi ke baad jo marzi chahay karlena, please do not believe them.
Everyone’s married life is different ofcourse, and it is natural for two human beings to have their own opinions. These are just the post-marriage experiences that I thought were worth sharing with you guys.